Old Habits die Hard: beaten but i'm victorious

Why can’t you get this right … You’re such a failure”, “maybe you should just leave it... I mean it’s not that bad anyway right? “You’ll never get through it”, “why even bother?” “Do you think Jesus loves you and you keep falling for the same sins?”, “am I really saved?”

These are the many thoughts which have often plagued my mind during a period of brokenness, impatience, after failing at something, or when I felt like I took two steps forward and ten steps back. Recently I went through one of those periods whereby I have been impatient. I was just hard on myself and felt like I just wasn’t where I needed to be in life and I was failing at life miserably.

So I said to God I needed Him to come and work on me and He shown a light on something I had lost  my grasp on. A key thing which he revealed and I have come to learn and understand especially during a point of weakness is that there is a there is a difference between conviction and condemnation. 

Conviction: It’s a horrible feeling but it has good purpose so we can be converted and renewed to be in the image of Christ (see Isaiah 1:18). That is God’s way of tugging at our hearts to say, “Be on guard, you’re a child of God and Satan seeks to take you out”, “you’re slipping away, come home”, or “you know that didn’t please me, that was your old sinful nature, but come meet me in prayer and let’s get you clean”. Condemnation: This is no good feeling either and it’s certainly not from God. It’s not God’s will for any to perish (see 2 Peter 3:9). Jesus himself said he didn’t come to condemn, but to save us (see John 3:17). Condemnation is that voice when you hear “you will never get through this,” “you're a failure” “you need to show them” “just leave the church” or “God doesn’t love you and will never forgive you.”

Don’t get it twisted, God is not and will never be happy when we sin, and He certainly will not turn a blind eye to it, BUT He won’t simply cut you off for making a mistake. The bible shows that God is gracious, and only leaves us to do whatever we want when we clearly show Him we don’t want to listen (Romans 1:20-32). This was one of the things I was really finding it hard to come to grips and understand. This led me to a refresher on the prodigal son. This is one of many examples of what happens when we decide to do our own thing (sin). God is watching and waiting daily for us to return, but he won’t force us to come back. Yet, his love is displayed when He sees we made the effort to come back and He will run to meet us (Luke 15:11-32). Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded. (James 4:8).

This was a major point for me. The major point being when WE make the EFFORT to come back and choose to lay aside our sins every day. See coming to God is a personal choice but know that we can’t be for God and be partaking in sin and many other trifling behaviours because it’s NOT God. In other words “he ain’t about that life”. This is where conviction comes into play and The Holy Spirit prompts us to let it go and chose to live Holy. When we disobey we are rebelling just like Satan did and we are essentially saying we are on His side. Disobedience will always catch up with you. I know this first hand. We can’t do the opposite of what God wants then pray for His blessings. There are many examples of this such as the Children of Israel. God was patient with and He would take them back with open arms but because they constantly chose sin and rebellion of Gods laws and precepts, eventually, they came to the place where the presence of God was no longer among them. The glory of God had departed and this is why they were defeated during wars.

God will not tolerate habitual sinning under any circumstances, so just because the process is long doesn’t mean you just give in. This is why we need Jesus to come and cleanse us from our deliberate and secret sins and old mind-set (see Psalm 19:12-14). Yes we are human and we all know from experience (I know I do) that we have our weaknesses, which is why we must seek God for strength because it’s a process whereby we need to learn and realise we can’t do it without him. I know in many cases I have cried especially when going through something hard that if only it would just go away with one prayer and that’s it, struggle done, or I have felt like if I was somewhere else then my life could be different.However, God allows us to have these struggles so we can only rely on His grace for strength (2 Corinthians 12:5-11).  It is through experiencing hardships or when I would rather be elsewhere doing something else that I really realise that without God it’s impossible.

 I have had to really wake up to this because it can be easy to think that because I’m living for God and I’m trying, I’m not gonna have any issues. This is far from the truth. I believe this is something which is often overlooked in our church today and we fail to really tell and to testify to people that this walk is not easy. Problems are a guarantee because it’s the package that comes with being in a sinful and fallen world however, victory is promised and GUARANTEED through Jesus. That is why Paul says he rejoices in persecutions and areas of weakness, because we can use it to our advantage. If we didn’t have any issues, we wouldn't see our need for Jesus. Our shortcomings teach us to be more reliable in Christ, they force us to have to pray and read our bible more and apply it.  

This Christian walk is a journey and process of character refinement and some things will  not happen overnight which is where I had got it wrong especially when I would beat myself up about not being where I wanted to be or not getting over something quick enough. I wanted discipline without the devotion and experience with God. I sometimes still do. However, without Christ, I cannot make core changes that will last and that requires an everyday sacrifice and devotion to God every second. I’m learning that it is through my devotion to Christ that I am able to be disciplined.

God wants a devoted people who are willing to change and let go of their sins. God wants a people committed to him as well as to the PROCESS of sanctification in order to be impactful to our communities and lead others to Christ too, so they can see and experience the great work He did and IS doing.

If I am going through this process I know someone else is too and I want to encourage you along with me to not allow our struggles to become our identity. Lets together trust God in this journey we are on, even when its stagnant or super hard.

No sin or problem or place in life outweighs grace and no stronghold is greater than the Holy Spirit. Nothing can separate us from the love of God that was in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:35-39).  Don’t give up because of some mistakes or shortcomings, just decide to choose God each time. He will not cast away His work which He has started in you. It’s not in Gods character to turn away a repentant sinner, “He is not a man that He should lie…” so don’t run away from Him (Numbers 23:19)

I know that although my old habits are not leaving immediately, in Jesus name I will kill those old habits daily as God molds me into His image. I am free, in Jesus name! I am loved, accepted, and forgiven by the mercy and grace of God! Let’s allow ourselves to go through the process and learn especially in the toughest periods of life when we feel like nothing is happening or changing to let God do His greatest work on us.

Old habits die hard, at times I’m beaten but I’m always victorious through Jesus. Im on a journey and I'm making it!

Love Rejoicexox